First letter to July

July 2, 2015

I dont like February. April has always been my favorite. July is…. I dont know. July usually comes with changes and insecurities about the future —be it with a ticket to move to another place, taking a further step in a relationship, or jumping into a workplace that I know nothing about.

This July started off with another emotional breakdown of life, love, and work. And quoting someone who’s seen my train wreck moments throughout the years, “You are a strange creature when you’re stressed. You cant think, you don’t make sense, and you cannot handle anything. You’re not yourself.”

But I guess, you are who you truly are when you’re stressed. Your walls crumble down and you don’t have the chance to put on the usual social-self to conceal what’s inside. Maybe that’s why people say that you have to see how someone acts under pressure to really know who he/she really is.

Me? I’m a crybaby who tries to look poised, yet at times I get so hostile. Man, I remember those crazy weeks before the thesis deadline. I argued got into a fight with one of my best friends while he was trying to help me figure out what should come first in my final chapters. That actually happened many times. And that guy had helped me from the very beginning of that 8-month-process, from choosing topic to driving me to chase the sources.

Even before, during college years, my another best friend and I usually ended up yelling at each others and hating each other’s guts every single time a project deadline approached (and by ‘approached’ I mean ‘dammit it’s in 30 minutes!”). But then again, as dysfunctional as the relationship is, we always end up fist-bumping at the end of the day.

I guess it’s true, we should stick to those who have seen our worst yet decided not to leave.

I hope this phase end soon as I really need to be functioning properly again. But then again, there’s always good even in the darkest time. These past few days, I’ve been reminded how little things can really make a difference —how a stupid meme can make you laugh, how bumping into a good article can give a tiny relief, how an honest talk with a friend you usually only gossip with can make you feel liberated, and most of all, how sitting down for a tad longer in your prayer mat can really bring calamity.

It’s the little things that matter. Grand gestures only live in movies. And as someone told me, it’s the baby steps you take that can make a change.

So, July, I hope you’d be good to me.

Today’s piece of gem is taken from Humans of New York post:

“Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good. Life is too short— enjoy it. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present and the future. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

If a relationship has to be secret, you shouldn’t be in it. 

Take a deep breath, it calms the mind. Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

It’s never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

When it comes time to go after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

Burn the nice candles, use the nice sheets, wear the nice lingerie, wear the nice clothes. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

Over prepare, then go with the flow.

No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

Frame every so-called disaster with these words: ‘In five years will this matter?’

Always choose life.

Forgive but don’t forget. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

If we all threw our problems in a pile and we saw everyone else’s, we’d grab our’s back. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need. Yield. Friends are the family we choose. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”

This series are inspired by Emily Diana Ruth’s annual Letters to July. Special shout out to Christabelle for introducing it!


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